Shattered
by Ro-RoWeasley
Summary: One Tracy brother leaves his feelings bottled up, until the mother hen catches him out. Movie verse.


**SHATTERED**

**A Thunderbirds fic by Ro-RoWeasley**

_**[My first Thunderbirds fanfic, please let me know what you think! Set after the movie. Please note, I'm not American so please forgive me if some references aren't correct – to like schools and such, the system is different in the UK but I have tried to adapt it.]**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Thunderbirds. If I did, we'd have seen more of the boys and more brotherly interaction in the movie! I still love it though, regardless of the canon bodge up, and also the 60s tv series… (*********goes off to watch Atlantic Inferno***** - which I don't own either)**

* * *

Scott Tracy woke to the sound of footsteps outside his bedroom door. As there was no sunlight filling his room, the pilot guessed it was early in the morning, one glance at his bedside clock confirming his suspicions – it was little after 3am. His brow furrowed worriedly as it meant that one of his younger brothers more than likely couldn't sleep. Not that he was particularly surprised after what happened nearly a week ago.

Spring break was supposed to be a time for the whole family to spend some quality time together. Alan was back from Wharton's along with Fermat, and John always managed to make it down for at least a day to see them all.

Scott however hadn't anticipated that this time he'd spend some of that quality time with his father and brothers stuck up on Thunderbird Five fighting for their lives, powerless as some madman called The Hood took over the island and the Thunderbirds. It had been up to Alan to fight him off, something that still made the eldest Tracy son's stomach churn. They all could have died that day.

Quickly throwing on a t-shirt and some shorts he made his way in pursuit of the brother who was awake, and got a bit of a shock when he emerged onto the patio to see his sleep-deprived sibling dive into the pool and begin to power up and down.  
Alan or John he'd expected, who'd both had the brunt of the action, even Virgil, whose artistic mind could sometimes be dangerous feeding him vivid flashbacks.

But not Gordon.

Scott sat on a lounger, not having the heart to disturb his second youngest brother. Gordon always used swimming as a physical stress release, preferring to literally work off his worries. Unlike John who'd get stuck in a good book, or Virgil who'd lock himself in his studio for hours or work on his 'Bird, though Scott would sometimes go for a run.

The redhead had loved the sport since he was small and had risen to a professional level over the years, winning national competitions whilst still in middle school, even progressing to the US Olympic team, winning a gold medal for 400m Butterfly when he was barely sixteen. After high school Gordon had joined WASP (World Aquanaut Security Patrol), sticking with his love of water but still following their dad's partial-military background, while also finding the time to major in Oceanography.

That was, Scott sighed, until the hydrofoil accident that had turned the family upside down. Gordon had just turned eighteen and was seven months into his WASP career when a training exercise turned for the worse. The instrumentation on the craft had failed and none of the controls responded, leading to a certain-death 400knot collision with another boat. Miraculously Gordon had survived, but not without some horrific injuries and had spent the next four months in hospital facing up to the fact that he'd never walk again.

That was what the doctors had told them to expect, but no one gave up hope - although there had been a few bad weeks where Scott had had to keep comforting a distressed prankster, ordering him not to give up himself. And two and a half years later here he was, fighting fit and fully functional, tearing up and down the pool with a strength and speed that quite frankly frightened him.

After a good forty minutes, Gordon finally decreased his pace before coming to rest at the opposite side of the pool to where Scott was sat.

"Hey fish." He called over softly, not missing his younger brother sniff as he wiped his eyes.

Gordon looked over, obviously startled that someone knew he was there.  
"Hey." He replied, breathing heavily.

"That was some workout, wanna talk?"

The prankster nodded, swimming over to Scott before folding his arms over the side and resting his head on them, the rest of his body still in the water.  
"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same question," Scott replied. "Though it's kind of obvious as you're tired out and soaking wet. And as it's after three in the morning; you've got a lot going on inside that head of yours as you only ever go that fast when you're stressed. Spill." All of his brothers knew better than to try and hide things from him; he knew them all too well.

Gordon took a deep breath. "Just everything with The Hood, my head's still trying to make sense of everything. Like how did he know how to find the island? How did he know where Five was to try and kill Johnny? I know he wanted to take revenge on dad for that Malaya mine rescue where dad found Kyrano, but why would he go to such lengths? I mean, he nearly got us all killed!"

With that last angry outburst, Gordon dragged himself out of the pool, Scott throwing him the towel on the lounger next to him as the redhead sat down running it rather absently through his hair as he continued.

"All International Rescue did was try and save his life, he said dad left him to die but even I know that wasn't true. Dad would never willingly leave someone to die."

Scott remembered that particular rescue. Gordon hadn't been there, as he'd still been recovering from his accident he hadn't yet been allowed to become an operative, instead using the time to study for his Oceanography degree. It had been Scott and Virgil who had gone with their father while John coordinated from space, one of International Rescue's first missions. It had been fairly simple, Scott going in on foot to retrieve the workers near the surface (that was where they'd rescued Kyrano) as Virgil and Jeff used the mole to reach workers trapped deeper down. However there'd been complications, an explosion caused further collapse and The Hood's tunnel was lost before they could reach him and presuming him dead, they'd had no choice but to leave.

"Never willingly leave them, but sometimes it is impossible to save everyone. Given the state of the mine as it was we figured he couldn't have survived the explosion let alone anything else that came down." Scott admitted miserably.

"But how is that motive for trying to kill us, Scotty?"

"We might not see it, but I can understand to a degree why. Our job is to save people's lives, but we didn't save him. He's alive, yes, but not because of us. He must have got himself out somehow."

"You don't ever blame yourself?"

"After last week, yes I certainly do. Because of our actions, none of us may not be alive now - Johnny, Allie, you or Virg, even Fermat and Tin-Tin. But I think this has hit dad more, after all it was his call to leave the mine. His call to take us all up to Five."

"Like it would have made a difference if he'd told any of us to stay put." Gordon scoffed and Scott gave him a fond smile.

"I totally agree, although with hindsight someone should have stayed behind, if only to make sure Alan wasn't on his own."

At that the aquanaut grew solemn, a frown on his face.

"I can't believe I didn't believe in him." He said quietly, his voice cracking. "None of us did! But look what happened; he took on The Hood single-handedly - _multiple times!_ -and survived, piloted One, Two and Four all in the same_ day_, and all I could do on Five was dismiss him and call him a useless kid."

"Hey." Scott reassured, leaning forward and putting a hand on his younger brother's shoulder. He too felt guilty about not believing in Alan at the time, but he knew it was all the stress of the situation. Himself, Gordon, Virgil, John and dad had been trapped on Thunderbird Five with their oxygen supply failing and no guarantee they'd ever make it home, leading them to just snap at each other, and so naturally they weren't quick to put faith in the youngest Tracy and his two best friends, who were just fourteen years of age. "What matters is that Allie came through and proved us all wrong. He knows we all love him and we know he loves us. He's a brighter kid than we've ever given him credit for."

"But he's distanced himself over the years, before any of IR we used to be really close, he used to be my partner in crime. But now we're all part of IR except him and he gets set off to boarding school, he hardly spends time with any of us when he's here, just sticks with Fermat and Tin-Tin. They're his friends, I get it, but we're his brothers and I miss him. But it seems whenever he's here all I can do is tease him and push him away, I guess I've just gotten used to him not being around I don't actually appreciate it when he's here."

Scott just sat and let the younger man vent, he'd had talks with all of his brothers in the days following The Hood's attack as they'd all willingly shown the emotional strain it was putting on them. Gordon however had just been his usual mischievous, cheery, energetic self and Scott cursed himself for not realising he'd just bottled everything up.

Coming out here in the middle of the night for a tension-releasing swim was not just some random one-time occurrence because he couldn't sleep; the redhead really had some deep and troubling issues he needed to sort out, just without the want of confiding in any of his brothers. One thing Gordon didn't take lightly was his pride, his pride in his swimming achievements, pride in overcoming the obstacle of his hydrofoil accident, pride in his family's role in International Rescue. But the recent turn of events had shattered his self-confidence; he was ashamed.

"The same with John, if in a slightly different way. I mean we see him less than Alan these days as he's just stuck up on Five. It might be his choice, being the starman of the family, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. It's mixed feelings – on the one hand he misses so much of everyday family life, not to mention the rescues themselves, but on the other he has to be up there to man Five for International Rescue. For him it's a win-win as he can spend forever surrounded by the stars, up there with mom…"

His voice trailed off as tears began to pour down his face. Scott was immediately at his side, wrapping his arms around him. Gordon didn't protest, instead leaned against him, clinging on like he had all those years ago when they'd heard their mother was gone, sobbing uncontrollably. Scott hushed him and rubbed his back soothingly.

Eventually, he managed to calm himself, taking a few deep breaths before continuing.

"Sorry." He sniffed. "Just sometimes I think about how things could have been different if nothing had happened that day on the slopes. Mom would still be alive and we wouldn't have so much of this trouble. I miss her, Scotty."

"I miss her too, fish." Scott whispered, his face in Gordon's now semi-dry hair.

"But I love my 'Bird." He mumbled.

Scott chuckled before leaning back slightly to look at his younger brother, one arm still around his shoulders. "Are you all done?"

"Yeah." He nodded, wiping his face on the towel before wrapping it around himself as he'd begun to shiver. "Thanks, I really needed that."

"Anytime Gords, you know that right? No more late night swimming – do it during the day by any means, but if you need someone to listen during the night, just come straight to me yeah? Or any one of us." His big brother sense told him there was more to come, but he wasn't going to force it.

"Don't tell the others though please?"

"It's okay to doubt yourself every now and they Gords, there's no harm in it. It's often a good thing as it shows your human." Scott smiled when he saw Gordon blush in response.

"Why'dya have to know me so well? Smother Hen." Gordon pouted.

"My job as big brother, squirt. Now come on, bed. Dad will have my head if he finds us out here."

They walked back up to the bedrooms in comfortable silence. After reaching Gordon's door, Scott made to continue on to his own so as not to crowd his brother but a hand on his arm stopped him.

"Can you stay?" Gordon whispered pleadingly. "I'd rather not sleep alone tonight, then if I need you again you're right next to me."

Unable to deny him the small comfort the twenty-five year old waited for the redhead to change and climb into bed, before settling in top and tail.

"Love you Scotty." The twenty year old mumbled sleepily, exhausted after the emotional release.

"Love you too, Gordy."

The pair of them were out like a light, Gordon getting the best night's sleep he'd had in weeks.


End file.
